Jesus: There's Plenty of Him to Go Around

In my brief forty-six years of existence I have found my way into many a Christian church, most of which contain a multiplicity of pictures of Jesus H. Christ. We have him in many action poses and with a variety of facial expressions, most of them of the Why the Fuck did You Do That variety. Some are a bit alarming in His interaction with children - this is not a good time for Church Leaders to be seen frolicking with the young.

One of the best things about Jesus is how amorphous he is. Since no one has actually seen him in the flesh - or no one I know - we can make Jesus be whatever we want him to be - although most historians are pretty much in agreement that he was a Jew, and thus of a certain pallor and hair color.

Nevertheless, Jesus becomes what you want him to be, in a way that you feel comfortable . . .

. . . Thus, the Jesus one finds in Baptist churches makes him look like a Country singer from the seventies - the kind of guy who likes his fried chicken and is not out of place at a NASCAR event, or wearing a large belt buckle with a bull on it.

Now clearly, the blond hair and blue eyes look is distinctly Anglo-Irish. There's no way that Mr. Christ looked this way - but then look at the people who go to these churches. This is how they want him to look.

Catholic churches have differing Jesii based on what ethnic group makes up their congregations: the catholic church I grew up in was made up mostly of Italians and Portuguese and Basques. Thus, the Jesii in that church looked like someone you might find bussing tables at a local spaghetti house. He loves ya, of course, but don't fuck with him.

The Irish in my town went to a different Catholic church. Whenever i went there, as a youth, I was disconcerted to see that their Jesus was whiter and more Irish looking than our Dago Jesus. It caused a great spiritual angst in me. It was one of my first moments of doubt.

Several years later I found myself in the unenviable position of waiting in a bus station in Indiana, waiting for a connecting bus to Atlanta. A young black male sat next to me and preached his own angry version of the gospel, one that included a brutal Black Jesus that was gon' kick yer white ass, boi.This was the kinda Jesus you can imagine goin' ape-shit in the temple.




















Over time I've seen Native-American Jesii and Latino Jesii - he's everywhere, and he's always one of us!